“I was missing you”
September 7, 2012 § 2 Comments
He was just two months old in that picture. Today was his first full day of school. Well, I say “full” but it only lasted until 13:15 (the time that I was told to pick him up after lunch) since I don’t want him to be forced to nap (or lie quietly) until 15:30. He came out to greet me in his extra pair of pants- my boy had had an accident and had had to change his clothes. He didn’t look too happy with himself, bless his heart.
I hugged him so hard. He said, “Are you happy to see me mama?” I replied that of course I was happy to see him. He then proceeded to tell me that he had missed me (or, as he says it, “I was missing you”) and that “you left me” and “went away.” My heart, my heart. Doesn’t he know that I could never leave him? How can you leave your heart when it’s always with you? But that he’ll only understand when he has children of his own.
Later on this evening, as we were laying in his bed talking he told me again how much he had missed me during the day. I told him that I had also missed him but that I had been happy to see him having fun at school. He then replied “Yes mama, you were happy to see me play and I (was) happy to see you again.” Heart twisting. With a heavy heart I decided to switch topics and ask him about lunch. He then explained how he had walked to the canteen for lunch and how an older boy had held his hand because “we had to cross street mama.” I immediately saw him doing that in my mind. I told him that I thought that it was nice that the big boy, as he called him, had held his hand. He said that it was nice but that he had been sad because he missed me. “But I didn’t cry mama.” How much of this can a mother’s heart take in one day?
Perhaps the scariest part of parenting, for me, is knowing that my love for my children holds no boundaries. It is endless and it flows, flows, flows. I can only try to hold on for the ride of watching them grow and pray and strive to do my best in raising them – hoping that my impact is strong enough to guide them but soft enough to enable them to be true to who they are on the inside.
My heart is full and satisfied.
Love and light,