holding hands

November 25, 2010 § Leave a comment

Dear Théo,

I’m so exhausted tonight! You are too, in fact, you just fell asleep in record time – approximately 3 minutes.  You’ve been changing lately, your behavior is not anything that I’m used to… You don’t want to fall asleep alone anymore. You used to be able to see me walk away and quietly play with Doudou until you fell asleep on your own but that’s not the case anymore. Now you want me to hold your hand until you fall sleep and not a light sleep (because you’ll wake up screaming if you don’t see me) but a deep sleep. Only then can I tiptoe away.

Today you didn’t even take a nap! We went to the park this morning, I made you lunch when we got home and then I cooked dinner – but you refused to sleep and I was too drained to stand bent over your crib for the length of time that it would take for you to sleep. I was frustrated today.

Tonight, as I put you down to sleep, you reached for my hand again. I took your little hand and told you to “hold Doudou”. After telling you those two little words  I suddenly felt so sad. Sad that I was being so silly as to not just give in and hold that tiny, beautiful little hand of yours. It suddenly occurred to me that your hand would not stay that tiny for very long and one day, down the road, I would probably long for you to ask me to hold your hand again.

So I’m sorry my little love. I ‘m sorry if mama gets frustrated from time to time, you know that I love you with all that I am. I promise to pay better attention to my mood and take a “time-out” when I need one because you, my love, won’t be tiny forever and I don’t want to miss out on one single thing.

I love you Théo.



Pictures of Théo that were taken last November:

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