My voice, my identity

November 7, 2009 § Leave a comment

I’ve been pondering something for a while now.  It has to do with a person’s voice, with sharing what’s on your mind, with not allowing secondary voices or feelings to get in the way with what you truly wish to share with someone.

I’m talking about the subject of saying exactly what’s on your mind.  Simple no? Not so much.

I’ve been brought up to be nice, to be diplomatic, to ignore people’s faults so as not to offend them.  All of these lessons can be useful and they do help us to be a bit more civilized but at some point I believe that I took the lesson too far.

I’m not saying that it’s wrong to be “nice” or to be diplomatic but I am saying that it’s wrong to be nice for the wrong reasons.  Why should we play nice and smile quietly (albeit awkwardly) or make neutral comments to a person who just seconds before made a rude comment about someone or something?  Or, why should we keep our rage to ourselves over someone else’s ignorance? Does a bigot deserve our kind words too?

I like being a nice person but I wonder if it’s dulling my senses and empowering those that I don’t necessarily wish to empower.  I have found that being too nice is sort of like lying to myself or about myself. I am a liar if I smile and keep quiet when I disagree with someone, I am a fake if I keep mum when someone is clearly being offensive in my presence.

I started thinking about this subject many months ago (as I mentioned before) and I have tried to implement a more assertive me, a more truthful me, in my everyday life.  What I have found from this practice is that it is going to take even more practice and then more on top of that. Am I too nice? That makes me sound ignorant myself, but what I really mean is – am I too much of a pushover for other people’s “in your face” or outlandish remarks? That’s for me to answer but for now I have decided to listen more to my heart and to follow my intuition with the same commitment that I once followed “niceness” with.

So in the future if I happen to say something out of the ordinary. Or disagree with you in a clear and evident manner then know that you are really, truly, dealing with the real me.


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